My child’s birthday is coming up, so my sister-in-law contacts me via text and suggests a very expensive technology gift. That’s about double your normal spending. Also, personally, I know it’s not my place and I don’t express this opinion, but all of my siblings’ kids spend an awful lot of time on technology. and feel that it is detracting from family gatherings. I admit that I was offended by this suggestion and did not respond.
in trouble. Do you want to continue as normal or give up and get the requested gift? You can afford it. Perhaps they are pointing out areas where I can be helpful, but my past gifts are not recognized that way. I feel weird about this and don’t know what to do.
Birthday gift: This may be the year to answer this question. [Kid] This birthday. Do you think they will like this? And name one or two fun activities that happen to cost less than a tech gift. If you live nearby, this experience could be a day out with your kids. If not, your parents can take you, or (depending on the price) Kid and her best friend can take you. Telling your SIL what you were thinking will give her a price range, but asking for her opinion leaves you with the option to answer if the tech item is that important to you. It’s probably the only thing the Kid has talked about all year, and if you’re feeling generous, tell them this is a birthday and Hanukkah/Christmas gift rolled into one. Masu.
I had a similarly wealthy aunt, and I loved the toys she sent me, but now I remember very well her visits. Her children are grown and she had a lot of time and patience for me. I saw her play for the first time and went to a really nice restaurant with her for the first time. She taught me everything I needed to know before her first trip abroad. You want your niece or nephew to remember not only the gift you gave them, but also the care you took in choosing that gift.
Birthday gift: Switch to giving cash gifts to your kind nephews. Then they can spend it on whatever they want. This will be fair and you won’t have to make judgment calls about whether a gift is appropriate. And while it’s true that we all use too much technology these days, as someone who isn’t a parent, I’m holding off on future judgment considering how difficult it is to raise children in this technology-obsessed environment. I hope you do.
Birthday gift: There may be several reasons why your sister-in-law suggests this gift. Maybe that’s what Kidd wants, and maybe she wants to help you look like a hero. Maybe your siblings can’t afford it this year. Perhaps your gift will remain generally unused. Perhaps they wanted to take the guesswork out of what you would buy. (Even if you don’t ask) Who knows?
If the price tag or nature of the gift makes you uncomfortable, don’t buy it. You are not obligated to buy a gift just because someone suggests it. If you decide not to buy this gift, this might be a good time to ask your sibling for alternative suggestions. There are probably one or two other ways you can be the birthday hero (if that’s your goal). Good luck and happy birthday to this kid!
— From my aunt to my 9 year old, my mom to my dog
Birthday gift: Whether children spend too much time with technology is a perplexing question for parents. So I would like to take that issue off the table and think about the issue of money. Be honest and tell your SIL that you want to keep her spending on gifts under X amount. Would you be willing to donate that amount (perhaps in the form of a gift card) toward the purchase of an item, and perhaps your parents could manage the rest? Depending on how many nieces and nephews you have, spending the entire amount could set a very expensive precedent. How can we refuse to spend as much for the rest of us?
Each week, we ask our readers to answer questions submitted to Carolyn Hax in live chat or via email. Read last week’s article here. New questions are usually posted on Thursdays and submissions are due on Mondays. Responses are anonymous unless identified and edited for length and clarity.