The aroma of grilled eggplant complements the aroma of piping hot steak. Israeli barbecue. Kind-hearted Israeli citizens and volunteers from overseas are grilling meat for our soldiers all over the country. This always reminds us of the olfactory aspect of our ancient temples.
But today, the scent leads us to the balcony of the newly opened Gandel Rehabilitation Center on Hadassah Mount Scopus. Nutritious meals come out of hospital kitchens, but avid barbecue enthusiasts are bringing in their grilling equipment to supplement nutritionist-approved meals for recovering soldiers. Is this what soldiers undergoing rehabilitation want to eat?
What do soldiers want when they return from the battlefield?
Many popular and humorous posts offer advice to soldiers before they return home. As a precaution, do not sleep with your shoes on. Do not call your spouse “ahi” (my brother), which is a term of affection for a comrade. Also, don’t expect chicken skewers for dinner while you expect your spouse to take out the garbage and empty the dishwasher.
Humor aside, the transition from a dangerous war just an hour or two from home, back to civilian life for a few days, and then back to the battlefield is fraught with challenges, perhaps unprecedented in Israeli or other militaries. It’s something that doesn’t exist.
For example, an ER nurse who was called up on October 7th and later served as a combat nurse in Gaza said that he had repeatedly gone to Gaza because “his body is in Israel, but his heart is in Gaza.” The head nurse was asked to supervise the treatment. ” He feels the same way when he’s at home playing on the floor with his little kids.
Mobilized soldiers Ali Urbul and his wife, Seal, who were not called up because they are in the Army Mental Health Reserve and have three young children, wonder why no one asks soldiers what they want. thought. What would it take to improve such a uniquely short period of furlough for them? In civilian life, Sill is a social worker at a medical foundation and Ali is a strategic consultant. He conducted a survey of more than 40 fellow soldiers (men and women) to find out what was most effective when returning home from the battlefield.
Ali says: “I began my own modest research by interviewing soldiers in the field. Full disclosure: I am not involved in the therapeutic field, so what I discovered is not an in-depth study; This is simply the result of asking some open questions to the fighters in the Gaza Strip. Sorry, no humor.”
Wruble Survey’s conclusions include: At first, you feel like you’re a guest in your own home. you want to help. I know your family is going through a scary and stressful time, but you need to realize that you’re on edge and the daily decisions and arguments between your kids are meaningless.
“You might hear yourself screaming because the adrenaline hasn’t subsided yet. Also, after experiencing combat, you feel like everyone is watching to see if you’re okay,” he says. .
Survey respondents said soldiers don’t like being asked if they’re OK or thinking about the war.
“Don’t ask too many details. We don’t see ourselves that way, so treat us as poor souls in pain and don’t try to ‘fix’ us.” Even if our behavior is a little off, don’t jump to conclusions about mental health. Of course, extreme actions require intervention.
“We want to get back to normal life as much as possible and be here now, not what was or what will be. We want to ease the burden on them because we know how much they are suffering. So please stop encouraging us to take a break.”
A common problem reported by soldiers is how to divide their short time at home among family and friends. “This was a bigger problem for unmarried soldiers, whose girlfriends or boyfriends may not be as accustomed to sharing as they are with someone from an extended family. Also, soldiers lived in an intense group environment. After that, you may naturally need some private time.”
Ali and Seal discuss expectations and priorities during each short homecoming to reduce friction.
A tip that worked well for some of the soldiers surveyed was that they don’t have time to handle all their civilian responsibilities anyway, which can be frustrating, so prioritize doing fun and unusual things together. Ta.
The biggest disagreement among soldiers interviewed was about the extent to which they shared their war experiences with their partners and families at home. “One of the responses came from a psychologist who believes it is important for soldiers to share their traumatic experiences in a caring environment. This allows partners and family members to also understand what they are going through. However, many respondents believed that talking about the dangers and tough decisions they faced on the front lines would make it difficult for them to return to military service.
“Knowing that their loved one is even more worried can stress them out and often become more preoccupied with the risk of facing a fight.”
Ali said that when his unit entered Gaza, many of his fellow soldiers hid it from their families. Not him.
“I told my wife we were going, but we weren’t on the front lines, and it was true. I knew in my heart that I didn’t want what happened to be a lie.”
The soldiers said the worst way to start a conversation was, “This may be the last time we meet.” Worst question? “When are you leaving?” “Why are you going back to the fight?” “Have you done enough?”
“We don’t know the answers and we can’t change the realities of military life,” Ali says.
Overindulgence can also be a problem. During a meal with her family, Ali was told that she shouldn’t do the dishes because “he has so many things going on” and that she didn’t even have the courage to clear her own plate.
He ignored the opposition and put on his apron. His chapped hands filled with soap suds as he washed his loved ones’ plates and bowls in the kitchen sink. It was a small act of love, but now that he’s back in the military, he’s very happy.
May God keep him and everyone else safe.
The author is the Israel Public Affairs Director of Hadassah, an American Zionist women’s organization. Her latest book is A daughter born to many mothers.