Summer school holidays are just around the corner, but life is far from easy, especially for parents who have to juggle work with summer camps that start late and finish early, not to mention the dizzying and ever-increasing costs.
Summer camp fatigue is real, as are concerns about overcrowded schedules, but when parents’ annual leave entitlements don’t come anywhere close to the length of school holidays, parents feel they have no choice but to send their kids off to camp after camp and suffer the consequences.
The stress, the guilt, the expense — parents are feeling it all this summer.
Ciara O’Reilly, a mother of two, knows all too well how even the most carefully laid plans can go awry. She booked one of her kids for camp, then had to quickly change plans when the child became depressed and decided not to go that day. It’s an ongoing pressure.
“It costs a lot of money to try to book for six weeks,” she said. “Not this week. I know she’s not coming back so I have to come up with some plan, but then I’ll waste another 250 euros.”
O’Reilly has another camp reservation for her daughter next week, which she’s sure she’ll enjoy, but the 1:00-4:00 p.m. session will likely create logistical headaches for her.
“I have to get my brother to help with transportation and care until she passes away. It takes a whole village to do this,” she said.
O’Reilly says she takes “100%” responsibility for the distress caused by overscheduling her children’s summer holidays.
“The difference is that when I was growing up, I wasn’t at camp, but I would go on trips with friends. That’s not the case anymore,” she said.
“I’m working. I’m in meetings back to back. I feel guilty for putting my daughter in all the camps. I feel guilty that she doesn’t want to go to camp. I feel guilty that she sits alone all day. It’s just too much.”
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“I hold a senior position in my job and was in the luxury position of being able to choose to work from home. [on the day her daughter wouldn’t go to camp]But apparently that’s not the case for everyone.
“The way society is, and especially the way it thinks about women, is that women are expected to be involved in everything – home, work, friend groups, family, extended family – and it’s exhausting, and we feel guilty if we can’t do it all.
“It’s mainly women’s careers that are affected, not men’s,” she says.
Elaine O’Hara finds summer scheduling extremely difficult, and the start and end times of summer camps make it even more difficult.
“They start at 10 a.m. and finish at 1:30 or 2 p.m. … It’s a tightrope walk,” she says.
“I work from 9am to 5.30pm but I’m always on the go with my kids so I don’t have time for lunch or a break. It’s just so busy.”
She was referring to an Instagram post reminding parents that they only have 18 summers to spend with their kids.
“It feels like everything we do is stressful when it should be fun,” she says.
O’Hara has two children, a 7-year-old who suffers from ADHD and fatigue.
“She probably needs time off,” O’Hara said, but for now she needs to go to camp. “I made a deal with her: ‘You go to camp in July and I’ll take unpaid leave in August.'”
This is not something O’Hara has done before, but she finds it too stressful.
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“It’s not fun and we’re supposed to enjoy this… I’m worried it will take its toll on me mentally. It’s too hard,” she said.
O’Hara’s partner also tries to share the burden, taking time off when he needs to work long hours.
“I think it’s very hard for people who’ve never been through it to really understand this juggling act.”
Her 82-year-old father lives halfway between her home and where the summer camp is held, so she sometimes leaves her daughter with him while she travels, trying to get home early “so I can somehow get those 10 minutes back and sit down at my laptop 10 minutes earlier.”
Paula Mooney has two children and both she and her husband have “full-time” jobs.
“We only have four weeks of summer vacation, so apart from a two-week break, we have to put our kids in daycare for most of the summer,” she says.
Over the summer, costs double as the younger child is in childcare and the 10-year-old has a childminder and goes to summer camp.
“You’ll hopefully have childcare providers to drop off and pick up your child, which will be a significant extra expense, but you’ll also feel guilty as you’ll be working six of the eight weeks off,” she says.
Mooney has noticed that parents aren’t as willing to help each other out as they once were when it comes to sharing transportation to camp.
“You go up there and there’s all these people and you’re scared to say, ‘Do you want to do this?’ [a shared run]”If we suggest that, it makes them feel judged, as if they don’t care about their kids,” she says.
The enormous costs of summer child care and camps are a constraint, she said.
“Sometimes I get an extra day off a week, but if I take my pet out it costs €100 to go to the pet farm. It’s a hard balance.”
She feels the pressure and guilt falls disproportionately on mothers’ shoulders.
“It’s so hard for women because it all comes down to us as a whole,” she says. “We get through it, like we do every summer, but it’s scary.”
Sinead O’Moore is a self-employed mother of two who, feeling unwell after a hectic work schedule last year, decided to take the summer off work – but not without consequences.
“No one is going to pay me if I’m not working at a desk, so I have to accept that I’ll make less and pay more during the summer,” says O’Moore, owner of The Brand Story and host of the Stretch Marks Podcast.
“I have to keep working because I have to keep my business going. I have to reduce my client capacity because the camp finishes at 2 o’clock. And I’m paying them 100-120 euros a week to keep them at the camp. I feel constant pressure.”
She works on a podcast at night and feels like her summer is being ruined as the “default parent.”
“Then by September I’m burnt out. I was really sick last year, so I’m trying not to burn out this year,” she says.
“This system was designed for a time when mothers stayed home and the occasional trip to camp to hang out with friends was a luxury for kids. It was designed as a way to enable parents to go to work.”
Losing income isn’t the only thing that worries O’Moore: He’ll need to get his business back on track once schools reopen, and he’s not sure how long that will take.
On reducing her workload for the summer, she says, “I’ve put myself in a position where I’ve given myself freedom, but I don’t have any mental freedom. I’m constantly stressed, anxious, wondering where the work is going to come from.”
While over-scheduling children is something parents should consider, Bethan O’Riordan, a psychotherapist who runs Calm Parenting Community, says they are “very mindful of parenting”.
She encourages parents to “book the minimum period of time your child needs to receive attention and care so that they have time to unwind.”
Summer gives children a chance to rest and play freely, which she says is crucial for their development.
When deciding whether too many summer camps are too much, O’Riardan advises parents to “listen to your child. What kind of stimulation is too much for them? Think socially, educationally, academically.”
“Outside of camp, make time for downtime. When you’re working, don’t be afraid of screens. Not all screen time is the same.”
For kids who may be upset about having to attend camp, O’Riordan says the response is up to the child.
For some kids, gentle reassurance is all they need. “You need to really listen to what they’re saying. Do they need some downtime? Do they need more time together?” she says.
When it comes to dealing with parenting guilt, O’Riardan says to remember that you’re not alone.
“This balance is incredibly hard,” she says. “If you can, set good limits on your time. Look at your schedule. When can you get away from screens? When can you get away from work? Parenting is about quality, not quantity, so when you’re with your kids, be there.”
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