Elmo: Perfect! Elmo needed a strong drink after this week.
Strong Lemonade: What should I do, Elmo?
Bartender: Elmo, would you like a non-anthropomorphic drink?
Elmo: Yes, please! In addition to strong drinks, can Elmo drink a glass of non-anthropomorphic ice water?
The bartender hands Elmo a regular glass of ice water.
Elmo: Thank you, bartender!
Strong Lemonade: Elmo, can I help you?
Elmo: Elmo is full of regrets. Elmo is experiencing a dark night of the soul. Elmo asked in X —
Strong Lemonade: Letter X?
The letter X is also anthropomorphic, sitting at the end of the bar drinking vodka on the rocks.
Letter X: No! Something is wrong! Don’t talk about it.
Elmo: Sorry, X. Anyway, Elmo asked everyone how they were doing.
BIG BIRD appears with COUNT VON COUNT, BERT and ERNIE.
Big Bird: Elmo, what were they doing?
Elmo: That’s not good. Not good at all.
Elmo: Everyone wanted to tell Elmo how they were doing. Over 60,000 people responded to Elmo! And everyone did very poorly. People said they were at their lowest… There were so many responses and they were all so sad. The president also responded, saying it would be difficult to shake off the cloud.
Lemonade: That sounds difficult!
Elmo: That was tough, Lemonade. It’s like being handed too many lemons.
Elmo: Elmo feels like he’s staring into a big, deep hole with nothing coming out!
Big Bird: There’s no light?
Count Von Count: There aren’t even bats?
Ernie: Why not just a rubber duck?
Elmo: It’s not even a rubber duck.
Big Bird: Oh, Elmo, it’s time for today’s letter!
Elmo: Today’s letter is… “O”.
Elmo: That’s right! And Elmo discovered that saying just “O” can be a cry of metaphysical pain. oh! oh!
Big Bird: It’s like looking into the abyss, Elmo.
Elmo: That’s right! Elmo is staring into the abyss!
Ernie: Oh, no, Elmo! Only existential despair emerges from the abyss!
Fozzie (enter.): bear? This bear?
Elmo: No, it’s existential despair.
Elmo: Elmo doesn’t know what to do. Elmo wants to help. But it’s all so heavy that Elmo doesn’t have enough strength to support his arm with a metal rod. Perhaps Elmo is experiencing this despair.
Count Von Count: One! One Despair!
Bart: When you gaze into the abyss, the abyss also gazes into you. Friedrich Nietzsche.
Big Bird: Nietzsche? How do you spell Nietzsche?
Count-phone-count: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5! Five consonants in a row. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!
Elmo: Wait! hang on! Elmo wants to understand! If Elmo stares into the abyss, does the abyss also stare at Elmo? So maybe we can see Elmo in the abyss?
Elmo: Hello, Abyss! Everyone say hello to the abyss! Hello Abyss!
Elmo: Abyss, are you sad too?
Abyss: Omnomnom! I am filled with existential despair.
Elmo: Elmo thought he was alone! Big Bird, are you staring into the abyss?
Elmo: Ernie, are you staring into the abyss?
Ernie: So am I, and so is Rubber Ducky.
Elmo: So if the whole internet is staring into the abyss, except Chance the Rapper who said he’s fine, then Elmo isn’t alone after all! Alone in the abyss not! Come look into the abyss with me! Let’s all look into the abyss together.
Bart: But Elmo, we’re all still staring into the abyss.
Elmo: Yes. But Elmo has to start somewhere.
Together they stare into the abyss. Lemonade is further pressed. Fade out except for the words “BROGHT TO YOU BY THE LETTER O!”