As I stand in the present and look to the future, there are many worlds that this version of me cannot visit. And before you think it’s about time, it’s actually not. I know I have enough time to live this life. Before you think it’s a matter of ability, it’s actually not. I am confident that I can cross the finish line in all of my goals.
It is something that exists, but it is not omnipresent. Like number 3, you can’t be everywhere at the same time.– Narrator of Disney movies. But I’ll try it, and I think that’s where I’m wrong.I often try do Things humans aren’t designed to do:, Bringing all of life’s choices together, I often feel irritable or sad.
The life I want to live is very different. It is impossible to live all of them as one.
I’ve always loved the idea of becoming a mother. It was and still is just as important to me as any other goal I set for myself. I think I was born to be a mother. Motherhood has always called my name in a way that nothing else can. As I’ve gotten older, I’ve watched my siblings become parents.I learned how difficult it is to raise children by watching them., And how expensive it will be. Sometimes reality sets in and I wonder if I would be happier without kids.
The spotlight is on you and your story matters.
And that’s the problem: I can’t have children and I can’t not have children.I have to choose and it is for me, and probably many others, That’s a frustrating reality.
I’m also a hopeless romantic. I want to fall in love and get married young. Then you can remember the best days of your youth with the love of your life. I want to watch this person grow with me, share different versions of them throughout our years of marriage, and fall in love with each and every one of them.
But then again, what if instead of growing together, we grew apart? Almost 50% Percentage of marriages ending in divorce. Marrying young may not be the best choice. I think it’s probably a more mature decision, when I’ve lived more of my adult life, because I’m postponing marriage.
And that’s the problem. You can’t get married when you’re young and then marry the same person when you’re older.
There are many other examples beyond these two.I can’t go back to Nicaragua and stay in America..S. I can’t stay in America..S. And my parents are two houses away. Her parents are two houses away from her and she is unable to achieve her goals.
Long distance helps you build emotional intimacy with your partner.
You can’t do everything in this life. I have to choose, and I do.I chose to come to America.S. Instead of staying at home, I went to college. And what gives me comfort is that if I had chosen to stay home, I would have been just as happy and just as sad. I may have had the same feelings, but for different reasons.
I think the worst part is the gray area in between, not knowing which of the two options will make you the happiest, or even if you can measure that happiness. And once you choose, you will find that you need to leave your other life behind. It remains in the world of “what if” and you can think about it in your head from time to time, but the choice has already been made.
I feel at peace knowing that at least I can choose something and be satisfied. Don’t stay trapped in your own indecision. All you have to do is actively choose one life and live it.
Maria Amanda Elias (she/her) is a third year student studying Journalism and Psychology.