With Christmas just around the corner, it’s time for a traditional song about all things tech-related that will soon go horrifying. So let’s do the following: On this technological Christmas day, gadgets gave me…
12 predictions that will paralyze you Because the weather app says it’s going to snow on your big day, then changes its mind and says it’s going to be sunny and frosty, only to end up with gray rain all day.
Sniper shot by 11 relatives, my wireless doorbell left me outside in the colder than it should have, and when I got poked, it inexplicably decided not to alert anyone inside my warm, cozy home. Ding dong? Ring: No.
About 10 updates? I sob! All your smart gadgets will decide that you need a vacation. And refuses to work. My new fancy Christmas lights somehow demand a firmware update and steadfastly refuse to turn on until I go to take them down in January.
9 downloads in progress, after a wrapping paper frenzy, a new device is revealed. As soon as it is activated, it will also ask for an update. The estimated time for the new console to be completed is 2027. Like the year, it’s not the time.
It took me so long to write this…
There are 8 batteries missing! While everyone waits for their devices to be updated, small gadgets and high-tech toys are taken out of the box. Everyone will immediately understand what “battery not included” means. There’s also a new type of battery they didn’t know existed, and there’s no hidden battery in the kitchen drawer.
7 speakers sound – When a playlist of Christmas music mysteriously plays in your ears. frosty the snowman with Rage Against the Machine murder by name, thereby causing Grandma to faint. (Or, more worryingly, jump on the table and start screaming her lyrics.)
6 cooking aid sprays – in the literal and figurative sense. The air fryer somehow starts spewing out gravy. And the digital thermometer will report that he remains raw until just 10 minutes after the turkey turns into a giant lump of charcoal.
Five Four Ones will sing! always. While having lunch. People mumble, “Whatever…” before getting immersed in an online conversation, forgetting that there are real people sitting around the table talking.Some phone chats are between humans. in table.
Don’t worry – it’s almost over
4 TV guys Full of food, wine, and anger, this is your review of the year after you’ve wandered through the day’s recommended big shows.exclude Doctor WhoBecause the biggest “fans” of this population refuse to believe it exists since 1989 and are vetoing everyone who watches it.
Three past trends The family recklessly decided to end the night with karaoke. Famous songs are destroyed in a frenzy of shouting and ostentation. Uncle Harold injures himself by doing a Blur-esque jump during a scare performance. 2nd song.
Two cable flubs That’s because a relative with an older iPhone brings home a USB-C cable, leaving behind a Lightning cable that doesn’t fit the family’s new iPhone or Samsung S23. No one realizes this until it’s too late, so everyone wakes up in the morning with yet another tech-related headache on top of their actual headache. (That wine! That karaoke!)
And a random gift from Burton-on-Sea.. You finally found your charger and found out where your Aunt Mabel from Australia sent you her October gift. Maybe, if you’re lucky, the courier will drop it in your local hedge before the next holiday season.
Merry Christmas everyone!