Many queer women have been asked the fateful question, “Do you listen to Girl in Red?”
On the surface, it’s an innocuous question about musical tastes. In fact, it’s a test.
If you answer “yes,” it means you are part of the queer community. If you answer “no,” you are straight.
Queer youth and those in at-risk situations are given clues like “Are you listening to Girl in Red?” Give them a safe space to find other people in the LGBTQ+ community.
But not all queer women listen to Girl in Red, and not all Girl in Red listeners are queer. Will this be harmful to people who fall between these categories? How should they answer the question?
For some people, there is no right answer.
In the past, LGBTQ+ stereotypes focused on gender roles. Gay men were believed to be feminine and lesbians were expected to be masculine. While these generalized ideas are still alive and well within the LGBTQ+ community, the way people express themselves has evolved.
Today, archetypes of queer people include Converse-wearing bisexuals, hyper-effeminate lesbians, and the infamous “Hey Mamas” lesbians. Queer people can find each other based on items like Dr. Martens, tote bags, and vintage clothing.
At first glance, these stereotypes are virtually harmless. This allows gay people to identify members of their community without having to come out themselves. However, ideas about how queer people “should” apply harmful peer pressure and limit self-expression.
Being LGBTQ+ is isolating enough. Feeling as if you have to present yourself a certain way in order to belong to your community only pushes those who are already marginalized and underrepresented further away.
Not all queer people dress the same, act the same, and don’t necessarily fit into neat boxes. Even if you don’t fit the queer stereotype, that doesn’t make you queer.
For centuries, queer people have been forced to hide their identities. While it’s a privilege for many queer people to be open about their sexuality and gender, it’s not a privilege afforded to all LGBTQ+ people.
Black trans women are murdered at disproportionate rates compared to white trans women. Queer disabled people are under-recognized and often unrecognized. The LGBTQ+ community should continue to focus on fostering an inclusive environment, rather than focusing on looks and appearance.
That being said, LGBTQ+ culture is rich and complex. Creativity and self-expression are celebrated within the queer community, and there’s an undeniable beauty in that.
While these signals and cues can sometimes push people into boxes, they also foster a stronger sense of belonging for people within the LGBTQ+ community. These allow people to connect with others based on a shared identity or style. When you look at someone and realize that you are similar, you feel an indescribable sense of relief.
So while LGBTQ+ culture is restrictive, it is also liberating. It gives people the freedom to explore their individuality and prioritizes acceptance and community.
For many queer people, how they express themselves is an integral part of their identity. But at the end of the day, your appearance doesn’t define you or your identity. you do.
Grace Claxon is an opinion writer. To contact her, [email protected].