Since Season 2, Episode 16 of Parks and Recreation aired in 2010, the women have been celebrating their twinning every February 13th. As Leslie Knope explains, Galentine’s Day is all about “women celebrating women.”
Meanwhile, a 2021 article offers an even more depressing diagnosis for American men. They are in a “friendship depression.”
Do men need time off to strengthen or build male friendships?
The May 2021 American Perspectives Survey findings revealed that men are significantly less likely than women to receive emotional support from friends. A survey of 2,019 American adults found that 41% of women receive emotional support from friends, compared to 21% of men. Almost half of women have told a friend they love them within the past week, compared to only a quarter of men. Also, 48% of women’s girlfriends reported sharing personal feelings or problems with a friend during the week, compared to 30% of men’s girlfriends. Also, surprisingly, there are no generational differences in this regard. Regardless of age, all men are equally unlikely to share their personal feelings and problems with friends.
Even at work, men lag behind when it comes to friendships. A 2022 Deseret News article states that women are much more likely to form close relationships with co-workers than men, and that “people who develop close friendships at work are generally happier and more likely to… research shows that they are more likely to be active and less likely to seek other employment opportunities. ”
But why do men really need other male friends? Can’t we just rely on women to fill that gap?
no.
Men may feel uncomfortable opening up to women, but male friends can provide perspective and support that women can’t offer to men. It is also unfair to place all the mental burden on women. “Men put too many of their own (or should we say) “emotional eggs” into women’s baskets. However, human relationships are complex, and the more you can accept different situations, the more you can accept your various “It brings out your best side,” says relationship expert and leadership trainer Daniel Ellenberg in an interview with Greater Good Magazine.
Male friendships can also teach men how to better relate to their own emotions, how to validate the emotions of others, and how to debunk the myth that men shouldn’t be vulnerable. . When men see other men emulating healthy emotional behavior, they give themselves permission to admit their feelings.
“It’s not that men don’t need or want to talk about their personal successes, sympathize with their disappointments, or share their anxieties,” says Daniel, director and founder of the American Life Research Center.・Cox writes. “In fact, men often feel like they can’t rely on their male friends.”
Despite all the evidence that men struggle with friendship, male friendships based on loyalty and devotion are fascinated in literature and the media. Think of Achilles and Patroclus. In “The Iliad,” the two are inseparable friends. Achilles describes Patroclus as “the one whom I cherished above all others, and whom I loved as dearly as my own life.”
Consider Frodo and Sam. In The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King, when Frodo’s soul is about to give up under the weight of the Ring, Sam declares: How can men form such bonds in an age of male friendship recession?
Enter “Palentine’s Day”.
“If you want to develop closer friendships, you have to pay the price of revealing more of yourself.” — Daniel Ellenberg, Greater Good Magazine
Men lack the emotional component essential to friendship. Maybe men need their own designated holiday to sit down and connect face-to-face and build stronger male friendships. Men often connect with each other through activity, but Cox points out that “friendships based on activity only last as long as the activity continues.” Friendships also require an emotional foundation.
Activity-based friendships can develop into meaningful relationships. Weekly basketball games and other activities are a great place to start. But at some point, men need to open up to each other and start having vulnerable conversations.
“If you want to develop closer friendships, you have to pay the price of revealing more about yourself,” Ellenberg told Greater Good Magazine.
The New York Times recommends several strategies men can use to build deep friendships over time. That could be expressing gratitude, taking the initiative to gather together intentionally, using activities to build connections, or checking in regularly via text.
Deep friendships need to be intentional, and it takes effort. “Meaningful connections require meaningful work,” Brené Brown said in an episode of her podcast, Unlocking Us, with guests Aminatou Sow and Ann Friedman. Friedman added, “Who can afford good things without working?”
I’d wager that if men could celebrate Palentine’s Day the same way women celebrate their female friends on Galentine’s Day, we wouldn’t have a friendship recession for men.