Megan Riordan Jarvis is no stranger to trauma, but until 2019, her familiarity with trauma was rooted in the work she’d done with clients over two decades as a therapist.
Then, just two years after her father died of cancer, trauma came knocking on her door when she faced the death of her mother during a family vacation. As Mr. Jarvis dealt with the aftershocks of these losses, it became clear that he was dealing with trauma symptoms that only worsened over time and required professional intervention.
She ultimately admitted herself to the same inpatient trauma care facility to which she had referred countless patients over the years, and spoke publicly about the importance of creating a more grief-informed culture. It rekindled my desire to teach and give lectures. She now describes herself as a trauma-informed therapist specializing in grief and loss.
Mr. Jarvis is originally from Massachusetts, attended Phillips Exeter Academy in New Hampshire, and eventually settled in the Washington, D.C., area. He is a psychotherapist and educator with over 20 years of clinical experience and training in a variety of intensive physical therapy modalities. He has spoken at TEDx twice, is a popular keynote speaker, and is the host of a podcast called “Grief Is My Side Hustle.”
As the founder of MRJ Consulting, she also provides public and private sector consulting to leadership teams and regularly works with Fortune 500 companies to address the various impacts of grief on the workplace. She is now turning her attention to writing as another way to share her story while helping others overcome their mental health struggles.
Her new book, “End of the Hour: A Therapist’s Memoir,” delves into her own personal experiences of trauma, grief, hospital treatment, and a hard-won healing journey, and explores how trauma therapists deal with trauma. It explains what happens when loss.
Q. You have been in the mental health field for over 20 years. Have you always wanted to be a therapist or was there something in your life that inspired you to pursue that path?
A. I came to therapy after a breakup in my 20s. I realized that my broken heart and inability to recover made me look different from my friends. I went because I was worried about myself, but I didn’t have high expectations. I became obsessed with learning about myself, introspecting, and trying to live differently. It was my therapist who first suggested I make this my life’s work. It was scary, but I knew this was my life’s work.
Q. What was the most difficult thing about writing your memoir, End of the House?
A. There is a scene in the book where I have to leave the house after my mother dies and I start to get sick. The 13 hours in the car were grueling. My PTSD was starting to take hold. I was sick and I knew it. It was hard for me to write because for a long time my mind couldn’t release the memories. In the end, it was very difficult because it was really painful when I got my memory back.
Q. What did you learn about your own game and your clients through that experience?
A. Experiencing deep grief like my client’s has made me a better therapist and a better person. I feel like I’ve finally understood what the mountain air feels like, going to a country I’ve been studying for 20 years. That being said, I don’t have as many clients as I used to. Now I have more work to do at the company.
Q. What can you tell us about why the mental health system is so difficult to navigate and what people can do if they need help but don’t know where to turn or face barriers to accessing care? Can you provide some insight?
A. The barriers to access are very real. We don’t have enough clinicians and we don’t know what we need to train them to do. And so many people have no training in grief at all. And that costs money. My best advice is to ask everyone for help. Ask a friend who can see you, ask your insurance company who can see you, or call your local clinic to get on the waiting list. Be prepared that it will be difficult and labor-intensive, and if possible, ask for as much cooperation as possible from those around you.
Q. As someone who has sat in both a therapist’s chair and a patient’s couch, what would you say to someone struggling with mental health, trauma, or grief?
A. We teach that bad things feel bad. Just because you don’t feel good doesn’t mean you’re failing. You will be forever sad, but it won’t always feel this bad. You will grow your capacity and grieving skills. It doesn’t always feel this way. continue. ask for help. you are doing great things.
Julia Morin is a New Hampshire-based author, grief expert, educator, and advocate.
These articles are shared by our partners at The Granite State News Collaborative. For more information, please visit collaborativenh.org.