The current dating scene is not created for hopeless romantics. It even feels wrong to use the term “dating scene” because that doesn’t seem to be the reality. A harsh, depressing, and soul-crushing reality is hookup culture.
Hookup culture is based on accepting casual intimacy without emotional attachment or romantic commitment.
Let me preface this by saying that sex is not a bad thing. In fact, there are some aspects of them that I like. For example, you can do whatever you want with anyone as long as it’s consensual, which increases your sense of agency over your own body.
If that’s what you’re into, that’s great. However, I feel that the disadvantages of hooking up far outweigh the advantages.
Sex may give you a sense of physical independence, but that doesn’t negate the toll it can take on your mental health, especially for women.
According to the National Library of Medicine, about three-quarters of sexually active college students report regretting past sexual experiences, and women express this feeling more markedly than men. .
Moreover, the causes of this regret are different for men and women. Women’s regrets are more likely to be traced back to shame and feelings of being taken advantage of, whereas men are more likely to report regrets due to partner choice or partner attractiveness.
These differences in reasoning between men and women demonstrate that even the liberating nature of hookup culture cannot escape the constraints of patriarchy and the objectification of women’s bodies.
This is a shocking truth and the ultimate reason why I couldn’t participate in hookup culture.
Another devastating reality for hopeless romantics is the fear of rejection, which is particularly detrimental to Gen Z. This isn’t just a problem for face-to-face encounters, but also for dating apps.
Hinge released a report on February 6th revealing the latest dating trends among Gen Z. As a result, fear of rejection was at the top of their findings.
According to the report, 56% of Gen Z Hinge users said that fear of rejection has stopped them from pursuing romantic interests. Additionally, 57 percent of Gen Z users said they refrain from telling someone how they really feel for fear of “offending them.”
It’s not easy to open up to someone face-to-face, so it’s normal to fear rejection. But if this kind of communication isn’t possible even behind a screen, a long-term relationship is out of the question.
For this reason, hooking up appears to be the easier choice, because if two people can’t properly communicate their feelings to each other, then of course the commitment won’t take place.
But is suppressing your feelings until they’re about to explode the only way to live? If you were to die tomorrow, would you be satisfied with giving and receiving love?
We hopeless romantics think about this a lot.
I’m not going to hold anything back. In about 20 years on this earth, I have never been in love. After many failures at the conversation stage, my belief that I could find a genuine connection had diminished significantly. My efforts felt and continue to feel wasted.
And after trying for this long and getting nothing, you can’t help but wonder: Is it me?
To answer my own question, and probably hundreds of thousands of other people’s, the answer is no. Perhaps it has nothing to do with you personally and everything to do with your intentions and the state of the world.
I don’t understand how someone who can’t communicate at all can truly love. But it’s not completely hopeless. After all, Elizabeth Bennet and Mr. Darcy had a terrible miscommunication, but still left behind one of the greatest love stories of all time.
Hookup culture is so dominant that it feels so wrong to seek the kind of love I read about and see in movies. For many people, the idea of receiving flowers, going for a late night drive, or receiving a longing glance from across the room wasn’t rocket science before.
Yet perhaps the reason we continue to hope is because the concept of great love is more bearable than living without it.
Romantics feel lonely, while others look up longingly at the moon while listening to the “La La Land” soundtrack.
Indeed, no one can make people think or feel as deeply as you can. But when you open your heart to others, it is an honor to be loved.