“I saw the Alabama attorney general the other day say, ‘Alabama did it, and now you can too.’ We’re ready to help.” And I have to say I thought it was great news to hear that Alabama had finally found a way to clean up its horrible prison system. ”
“No. That’s not it.”
“Perhaps we will have a system that streamlines complaints and claims for incarcerated people, better addresses violence and dangerous conditions in Alabama’s prisons, and makes our prisons safer and more constitutional.” ” That is long gone…. ”
“no.”
“Oh, of course it must be the continued illegality committed by the Alabama Board of Pardons and Paroles at the time. Those people aren’t even abiding by their own laws that they asked to be passed. It’s about time. It’s time for them to fix me…”
“no.”
“Strange. I mean, he’s obviously talking about child labor that goes on in manufacturing facilities across the state. Phew. And here this guy is so out of line with his usual Republican rhetoric that he’s saying, I thought you were closing your eyes…”
“No. In fact, they are in favor of child labor within the Republican Party. Keep up.”
“Sorry, I forgot. This week, it’s hard to understand whether to protect the children from the Disney dangers that have arisen or to put them on the assembly line. But if not, then it’s not a river or a lake. Or maybe? Old Steve Marshall finally figured out a way to hunt down the polluters and make the fish from the Tennessee River edible again. I knew he was going to go wild…”
“no.”
“Well then. These seem like good, noble problems that we should be addressing. Perhaps he’s thinking about how to deal with the inherently racist funding system that Alabama has used since 1901. Maybe they were finally coming up with the idea and talking about turning around the education system, which has consistently had the worst performance in the country. Jeff Sessions changed that system and the main I remember when Alabama’s AG finally had the courage to overthrow Alabama’s legacy of the Jim Crow era. I’m glad…”
“far cry.”
“He at least plans to address the school-to-prison pipeline, which shows that over-discipline of minority children in schools often increases the likelihood that those children end up in prison. Are we talking about? Alabama has a big problem in that area, as some studies have shown, and it will be difficult to solve it…”
“Hahaha. No.”
“Isn’t that at least illegal gambling? At least he’s talking about how we can finally properly regulate and control illegal gambling behind gas stations in this state, which is fueling organized crime across the country. Wouldn’t it? Because at least it would be worth it…”
“no.”
“He came up with a more effective way to crack down on public corruption and self-dealing members…?”
“Negative.”
“He has devised a new way to hold drug companies accountable for the opioid epidemic that continues to burden Alabama and other poor states.”
“Not again.”
“He has come up with a new way to crack down on AI fraud that defrauds good people from…”
“no.”
“Crackdown on illegal guns? Maybe it’s a way to protect officers from state-passed unauthorized carry laws?”
“no.”
“A new way to protect seniors from online fraud?”
“Hmph”
“How do I stop the calls regarding my car’s extended warranty?”
“No. It’s none of that. It’s not even close. The guy is talking about Alabama coming up with a revolutionary way to kill humans. His press conferences are all about how we choked men to death.” It was a celebration of the fact that they had succeeded in doing so.
“Is that why he wants to help other states?”
“Yes, because from high maternal mortality rates, to embarrassing infant mortality rates, to extraordinary gun mortality rates, to over 300 deaths per year in prisons, to high mortality rates, to lack of access to health care, the average Beware of low longevity. If there’s one thing Alabama knows, it’s death. We’ll start exporting now.”
“That’s a mess.”
“Only if you lack basic human compassion.”