Dear Abby: I’m a 77 year old woman with a 27 year old granddaughter who loves electronics and toys. She is financially well-off and often buys me expensive presents. While I appreciate her generosity and her desire to make my life “easier and more fun,” I have no interest in those things at all.
I find these devices more frustrating than fun. I don’t need anything and I don’t want anything. I repeatedly asked them not to spend money on me, but they didn’t listen. Maybe printing this out will show her how difficult it is for us older people to use these devices. How can she get her opinion across without hurting her feelings? — goodwill
Dear people of goodwill: Tell your granddaughter that you love her and appreciate her generosity, but that electronic devices are not fun for you and that you would like her to stop giving them to you. If she asks what you like about her, explain (again) that you don’t need anything, but would like to spend time with her or attend an event instead. The message should not cause hurt feelings.
Dear Abby: I have one sibling who is three years younger than me. Our mother is very old. Her sister and I have a terrible relationship. we can’t get along.
If my mother dies, is it okay if I don’t go to her funeral? We don’t have any other family and I don’t want to meet her sister. Her mother and I have a great relationship. Has anyone else experienced this? I told her lawyer I can’t go. He said he understood. — Alone in New York
Dear Omo: Funerals may appear to be for the deceased, but they are actually held to comfort the living. Show respect and love while a person is alive. You’ve been doing that with your mom for years. I believe there are still many things left unsaid between you. If your mom dies, she should do what she thinks is right for her. Your mother’s lawyer says she understands. That should be a sufficient disclaimer.
Dear Abby: After spending hours preparing a meal, is it appropriate to sprinkle salt and pepper on the food on the plate without the guest tasting it? Beyond being inappropriate, isn’t it just rude? Should I say that? Will you never invite me to dinner again? Or should I leave it alone? — In State of the Garden State
To the state: The next time a guest reflexively gestures towards the salt shaker without taking a bite of your food, you’ll have the right to ask why. Perhaps your dishes tend to be less seasoned.
There’s no etiquette rule that says you have to invite the person again if you get really upset about this. (I also don’t know the etiquette rule that says hosts have to salt and pepper the table.) If the friendship is a warm one, I’ll allow my guests whatever makes them feel comfortable, and I’ll be grateful to anyone. tend to allow it. They are and leave this stuff alone.
Dear Abby was written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
Abby shares over 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: “Abby’s Favorite Recipes” and “Dear Abby’s Even More Favorite Recipes.” Please send your name and mailing address and her $16 check or money order to: Dear Abby, Cookbooklet Set, PO Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Shipping and handling charges are included in the price.)