As a relatively new wine lover, you’ve probably received all kinds of gimmicks imaginable as gifts from family and friends, right? Or maybe you’re an experienced and well-funded connoisseur with an obsession with fermented fruit. You might be looking to go all out, procure a variety of gizmos for yourself, and take your wine game to elite status with the latest and coolest experience-enhancing tools. Armament.
Looking at all these different types of hardware fills me with satisfaction for the tools I have, as well as positive FOMO for tools that were previously unavailable. Your social media feed is torturously flooded with glittering ads for the hottest new grape gear. The trending show on the small screen features green-eyed, Hollywood-fueled characters brandishing unique wine utensils and catchy decanting techniques in what has become a cork-versus-dork arms race. To do.
It’s time for us all to pause and take a deep breath. Because the vast majority of wine experts would like to talk to you.
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The reality is that many of these shiny toys, while certainly serving some function, are also thoroughly, disgustingly superfluous. Several? Well, some of it is complete nonsense. That includes the ubiquitous and universally familiar standby found in too many homes.
(Don’t worry, it will be resolved soon.)
In fact, all of you Really Everything you need, and the professionals themselves use in most professional and personal settings, is a quartet of classic essentials. that’s it.
Pour yourself a glass, sit back, and listen. Wine Church is currently being held.
Wine tool heroes
It really baffles many experts why there is so much reluctance to use such a simple and perfect wine tool that has essentially not required any major renovation for 140 years. It’s easy. It’s effective. It fits equally neatly into jeans pockets, small clutches, and uniform vest pockets.
It’s a waiter’s knife, and there will be plenty of industry professionals wanting you to give it the right opportunity.
“It’s light, compact, inexpensive, and gives you feedback when you pull the cork,” says Don Winkler, publisher of International Wine Review. “[It’s the] The simplest, most reliable and most portable device. ”
Whether it’s called a waiter’s corkscrew, a sommelier’s knife, a waiter’s friend, or just an old wine key, its beloved effect and simple elegance have made it a professional sniff-and-sip set for generations. It has been loved.
So why balk at such stunning perfection?
That’s a fair question. Some amateurs seem to be afraid of it, perhaps because the pros make it look like easy magic? probably. And let’s be honest, it may actually take some beginners a few tries to get completely comfortable. But at the end of the day, that’s no excuse.
“I don’t know how to use it, or it’s too complicated,” says Pedro Ramos, Michelin-starred sommelier, wine director and brand ambassador for Clarets Brazil International. He’s heard those words a million times and he’s done with excuses. “I’m like, ‘What?!’” Come on over here and let me show you… “Oh, that’s easy!”
Ramos usually has a few on hand wherever he goes in case he needs to convert a rookie or stubborn holdout. He’d say, “Look, buddy. It’s time to go pro.” “And please continue to use it.”
But the wine tool cult isn’t over yet. Now that you’ve opened the bottle, you need a glass. It’s not just glass.
“For older vintages, the ultimate tool is Durand. [It] You can use a combination of an ersaw and a corkscrew to join old corks, which can be very difficult. It’s worth the investment. ”
For knowledgeable professionals, it’s all about a set of well-made, simple “universal” stemmed glasses. “I’m a big proponent of all-purpose wine glasses,” Ramos says. But today, glass manufacturers are actively selling different shapes and styles of different types and blends. Of course, it can also be used as a fun toy. “If you have the money and the storage space to own a huge collection of glasses of Bordeaux, Burgundy, Barolo, etc., be my guest and collect all the Pokemon!” Ramos added.
But basically, all you really need is a good pair of all-purpose stemware.
So what about stemless wine glasses? They seem to be everywhere now. And while it’s not exactly the end of the world, most industry experts agree that it’s best suited for places like casual parties and outdoor gatherings, rather than high-quality bottling or elegant settings. I am.
After all, the stems are there for a reason.
Bonus wine toys that actually help
Usually an extra piece of equipment for many, it can actually become absolutely essential for collectors of old vintage.
Anyone who has experienced the indescribable joy of MacGyvering an old vintage broken and half-shredded cork will definitely need a two-pronged corkscrew. These nifty and incredibly simple gadgets, also known as blade openers, ah, butler’s friends, etc., only take a few tries to master. Wiggle the blade between the cork and the glass and gently pull and rotate slowly.
“Everyone who knows I like wine seems to want to gift me a useless device.”
It’s easy? And it saves the deplorable, tragically untidy theater where everyone shrugs off the corky blobs of disrepair and filters the sadly swaying debris through makeshift sieves from the fragile stale juices. Sho.
Now, when you have to make sure to open all the old corks in the room, don’t accept any substitutes and level up to be the best cork hero. “For older vintages, the ultimate tool is Durand,” says Brandon Sparks Gillis, a partner at Dragonet Cellars in Santa Barbara. “[It] You can combine an ersaw with a corkscrew to join old corks, which can be very difficult. It’s worth the investment. ” Like the guy said, it’s expensive. But it works.
Additionally, as a winemaker, you need to frequently sample and showcase different vintages to guests and colleagues, and you want to do that without committing to opening up half your winery’s library. Sparks Gillis is also a Coravin fan.
Yes, it is a polarizing tool. Opinions from experts across the industry on the needle-like gassy wizardry of wine extraction range from enthusiastic to dismissive. But for certain tasting purposes, there’s no denying that it’s a godsend. “[It] It’s very convenient for that,” says Sparks-Gillis. “Our tasting room has an argon tank connected to a Coravin, allowing us to display multiple vintages without waste.”
Last on the list of functional bonus tools? A decanter. However, these glass containers don’t have to be elaborate or fancy. Some people are obsessed with collecting old, rare, ornate decanters (Ramos freely admits that he has a fetish problem), others are obsessed with exposing every last millimeter of wine to air. A basic, inexpensive 1 liter water carafe is sufficient for most people, unless you’re drinking water. the purpose.
The deadly nemesis of sommeliers around the world
The kitchen drawer opens. you tremble. There it is, staring down at you like some kind of sadistic, cork-ripping Mr. Blonde. Your husband says that’s all he has, so you spend the rest of the night laboriously shredding stopper after stopper. With each twisting attempt, tears spilled from his angry red eyes.
Most people would know this savage malice as a winged corkscrew. And its similarly horned architect still taunts us from the fiery kingdom below.
It’s hard to explain how many decent and honest corks have been destroyed by this monster. Typically, an auger bit is used rather than a proper worm screw. This is literally meant to punch a big hole in other uses and settings. So what does it do to cork? That’s exactly right, and it’s infuriating every wine expert on the planet.
“I hate it,” Ramos said. “You go to people’s houses and they’re like, ‘Oh, I got this opener.’ It belonged to my grandfather. And yet this big, heavy, rattling destroyer of worlds, There seems to be no end in sight to this cruel reign. God help us all.
Less is better
There are enough goofy and unique gadgets out there to live in a small country. When it comes to wine equipment, we have reached the height of absurdity. And yet, designers and inventors continue to come up with increasingly complex solutions to non-existent problems, all in the name of having another shiny new object to dangle in front of consumers.
“Everyone who knows I like wine seems to want to give me a useless device,” Winkler concluded. It’s a fact of life. Once people know you’re interested in wine, expect to receive odd trinkets.
But when the tips are down and it’s time to give yourself and others a highly acclaimed wine experience, all you really need is a waiter’s knife, a good all-purpose stemware, a simple carafe for the decanter, And just a two-pronged puller for wine. Those old corks.
That’s all. end.
Stay away from the toy aisle and save your hard-earned money for what matters most: juice.